Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
