In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he thought i was a dude.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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