Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
