so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize
