Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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