I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
