she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
