yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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