isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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