I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
