I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
