this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
