This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
