I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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