and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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