The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
