If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
