when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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