I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
