I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So vagazzling was a success
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize