The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
