i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
