my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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