I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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