Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize