I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
