Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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