I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
