So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
