90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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