Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
