Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
