If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My hand turned me down
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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