I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
