she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
