found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
