Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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