I just pynch a tree in the face
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize