omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
