these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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