I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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