dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
