he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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