I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
