Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He felt like a one man threesome
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
