would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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