we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
