atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
