so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
