So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
