if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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