yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize