So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize