She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
