my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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