uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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