dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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