My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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